Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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