You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
