i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
