shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Blood and glitter go together right?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
