Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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