there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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