last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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