Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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