How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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