dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
