so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
