There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
