I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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