I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
