Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
