I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She bit a glass in half.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
