I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
