She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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