My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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