I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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