He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
