...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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