whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
