before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
