My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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