My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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