so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
