I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
