Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
