if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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