what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
