So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
