Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dear god my vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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