i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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