Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
