We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you win again, gameday.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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