Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
