I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
