My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
