Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
