Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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