i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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