I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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