Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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