Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
