My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
