So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
