I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I smell stomach acid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
