How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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