Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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