just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
